Imagine this.

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct. 22)
I'd love to see you puff up your chest and take dominant control of a situation. I'm picturing you—perhaps dressed in black leather and wielding a whip—barking commands and dishing out consequences for others' mistakes. You're probably laughing at me, though, because you know even better than I do that this just ain't your style. You tend to opt for more diplomatic, polite, nonconfrontational methods. However, I hope that even if you forgo the black leather, you'll consider being more direct and forceful this week. The situation requires it, since tact and gentle reminders won't get the job done.

*****

So politeness just won't cut it anymore, huh? Well then, hand me my whip, boy-o. It's time to get things cracking. Whup-pack!

*****

I had a fight with my Dad last night. And though this was not our first, it was the first over the phone and with me yelling to high heaven. The thing is, it wasn't even between us, but between me and someone else. Suffice it to say, I'd been quiet too long, she's being a bitchy little coward, and my dad thought he could still ride to our rescue. And yes, this is my side of the story, so fuck off.

After that 100-decibel shouting match on a very cheap 10-peso unlimited PLDT-to-Smart long-distance phonecall, I blew my nose and wiped my face, took out a cigarette (My Dad had told me to stop smoking. Again.) and slammed the door on my way out. Went to join some friends for a drink despite being mad enough to walk through the middle of the road and to hell with the traffic (and despite the fact that my nose was red and my eyes puffy). Three hours later I had spent more than I wanted to on alcohol, but I was numb=happy.

*****

Alone, Looking for Blossoms Along the River
Tu Fu

The sorrow of riverside blossoms inexplicable,
And nowhere to complain -- I've gone half crazy.
I look up our southern neighbor. But my friend in wine
Gone ten days drinking. I find only an empty bed.

A thick frenzy of blossoms shrouding the riverside,
I stroll, listing dangerously, in full fear of spring.
Poems, wine -- even this profusely driven, I endure.
Arrangements for this old, white-haired man can wait.

A deep river, two or three houses in bamboo quiet,
And such goings on: red blossoms glaring with white!
Among spring's vociferous glories, I too have my place:
With a lovely wine, bidding life's affairs bon voyage.

Looking east to Shao, its smoke filled with blossoms,
I admire that stately Po-hua wineshop even more.
To empty golden wine cups, calling such beautiful
Dancing girls to embroidered mats -- who could bear it?

East of the river, before Abbot Huang's grave,
Spring is a frail splendor among gentle breezes.
In this crush of peach blossoms opening ownerless,
Shall I treasure light reds, or treasure them dark?

At Madame Huang's house, blossoms fill the paths:
Thousands, tens of thousands haul the branches down.
And butterflies linger playfully -- an unbroken
Dance floating to songs orioles sing at their ease.

I don't so love blossoms I want to die. I'm afraid,
Once they are gone, of old age still more impetuous.
And they scatter gladly, by the branchful. Let's talk
Things over, little buds -- open delicately, sparingly.

*****

Now I want to be a Chinese poet. Or write Japanese haikus for that matter. Listen to this for example--

Nothing in the voice
Of the cicada intimates
How soon it will die.

Isn't that magnificent? I don't want to write about relationships anymore. I'm sick of that shit. As Teddy says in J.D. Salinger's Teddy, "[Poets are] always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions." He quoted that haiku, too.

*****

As for taking the weather personally--especially our weather of late--don't. My mom says our daily afternoon rains is caused by the DA's cloud-seeding efforts to help counter drought. So you see, the rain isn't sad because you're sad. It's man-made rain made to help man in these hard times made by man. As for that sadness you're feeling, let me guess. Perhaps it's caused--on the whole or partially--by the realization that the world doesn't revolve around you after all. And you know what, it really doesn't. So might as well take everything as it is--artificial rain and all.