Would you have a better tomorrow?

Because free web-based email is, in my opinion, required to leak *some* spam email into your inbox (and vice versa, so you're forced to check your spam), I have a beef with how they deal with email adverts. (By the way, is spam made of pork? or does it fall under a whole different "meat" category?)

You might share some of this. Here is my current top 5:

5. Free Dell laptop. I already have a free Dell laptop. Whom I love. But, question: How come they never offer a free Mac?

4. Viagra. I don't need it, and I am not interested in any man (off the top of my head, anyway) who needs it yet. (Hmmm, wait. Let me think that over...)

3. Porn. Do I really need to see what Paris, Miley, and other stars have done over the weekend, and with a weiner, or a dog, or with an entire football team? No. I've had a discussion with friends over the whole [Put name of school here] sex scandal enterprise, complete with "visual aids" (for discussion purposes, of course), and they all cater to men.

2. 40s Christian dating. I have nothing against dating. Most of the time, I have nothing against Christians, either. But 40s? C'mon! That's just fucking insulting. The only reason it falls to number two is (1) I've only received it once, and (2) a day later and ever since, I only got spam for 30s Christian dating. I always, and I do mean always, appreciate people who do their research. Which leads me to the next:

1. Penis enlargement. Last I checked, hey! I don't have one! And last I heard, you don't just "magically grow" one. But what galls me is that they can't even be bothered with market research. I am woman, hear me roar. And no, I am not interested in any man who needs it either. (Hmm, wait. (Ha!) This last statement can be construed 1.5 times over. Just like the ad claim.)


But. There have been a few gems, and luckily, this one was sent to my inbox:

Dear sir/Madam:

Please allow us to disturb your precious time! We are the Chinese biggest foreign trade wholesaler. the company mainly sells, the digital cameras, mobile, the LCD TV,PSP,Xbox, the Laptops Notebooks, the Digital Video, Mp4, GPS,Electronics toy,and so on.If you want to products, we can sell you our products. If you have time,please visit our website, Please look our products.We will give you a satisfying answer. we hope we can set up a good and long cooperation relationship with you.
this is our website; <http://www.zgdsyw.com>
MSN: zgdsyw18@hotmail.com
Mail: zgdsyw@zgdsyw.com
Thank you for reading our the message, Would you have a better tomorrow!
Cheers!


It sure beats "Live long and prosper", doesn't it?

Thank you for reading my the post. Would you have a better tomorrow, I say to you.

Little blog of horrors

Something I saw in an old blog which I never finished (the post, the blog is way, way over). Sounds familiar? But I don't know why I never clicked on [Publish this post], because having seen it again, it amused me no end. (Na-amuse sa sariling sinulat? Winner. Kaya nga "shameless self-promotion" eh.) And made me think about my idea of making an(other) anonymous-kuno, unlinked blog where I could... never mind. Here it is:


"So. I have a problem.

This blog was set up for various reasons: shameless self-promotion, posterity, etc, etc--and so I don't always run to my friends when I feel like ranting--but basically I wanted this to be a place where I can be honest and just be myself.

But I realize, there is no bigger bullshit than to just "be yourself." Just! Look how easy, Just be yourself! (Remember this tag line? It was popularized by the clothing store geared towards the ever impressionable, peer-pressure-able teen crowd.) We all have alternate egos, and you're a liar if you say any different. In my case, there's Drey-with-her-family, Drey-at-work, Drey-all-by-herself, Drey-with-friends, Drey-with-people-she-has-just-met. Perhaps there might even be a Drey-with-a-cute-guy alterego. And though we pretty much get along, it kinda gets crowded if I introduce every Drey to whomever I meet every time. Or if I attempt to mix-and-mingle with the whole gamut of categories. So.

What's the problem again? Who are you talking to? Which Drey?"


Nyahahahahaha.

Now I want to meet all of them Dreys I was talking about. Like an out-of-body experience where I observe all these little selves (Is this an Oliver Sacks essay, "Selves"? Someone else?) in action while spirit-Drey is floating overhead, arms akimbo, wearing an amused little smile. Occasional mutters of "What a crock of shit!" "Winner ang posturing!" and "Booola!" floating around in thought bubbles. All done with indulgent patience, like I imagine on my Mom's face when I told her I'd give her my first pay check as a little tribute. (She was kind enough not to laugh and blurt out a sarcastic "Right!" to my face.)

Hahaha. Tangina. Looking over old blog posts is (weird and a little too self-serving, yes) like listening to your family recount stories of past bloopers you don't even remember.

As a matter of fact, my mom actually scoffed at the offer, adding, "Tapos ano? Hingi ka ng allowance?"

Winner. Yun lang. Winner.

Octo-pussy.

Why is it that when I'm rushing head-on towards a deadline, I find it so conducive to blog? I remember sneaking out of Japanese class to write, and now this. Someone had mentioned maybe it's a stand-up thing, you know, that that's the attraction of writing for me--the getting away from what I really have to do.

Not that this is a masterpiece. But. There are many reasons for this post:

1. The weather held long enough for the championship bonfire--But having rained before the whole thing left Bel field muddy. Some conversations:

Over the phone with A: Drey, you remember 2002? Your flip flops got sucked into the mud and you lost one of them?

I don't remember exactly, but apparently everybody does.

At the Bel field, meeting up with friends: Hey, you remember in 2002 when I lost my...
Unanimous response: We all know the story, Drey! We were laughing about it on the way here.

6-year improvement: My feet might've been caked in mud now, but I left with two pairs of slippers. Woo-hoo.

2. It's birthday month, and I'm turning 28.

Random birthday conversation #1
Him: Hey did you know a lot of people kill themselves when their age is divisible by 7?
Me: Knowledge is power, so it says. Not necessarily helpful, but powerful. Thanks. Really, thanks.

Random birthday conversation #2
Him: Ma'am, what's your birthdate?
Me: October --, 1980
Him: Ay, ako 1982.

New saying: Unnecessary knowledge is annoying.

3. I am redefining the six-degrees-of-separation theory by the number of returned results in Google. Example, you search for Nonoy Baclao, and this blog shows up at#3! Close kami, or what?

4. I just wanted to remind you my birthday's coming up soon. If you don't know when it is, then hindi tayo close.

5. This is not getting my work done. But it's a lot more fun.

6. May iban gid ya nga sugilanon, kung sa tuod-tuod lang. Pero indi diri. Hagara ko bala, inom ta. Kay i-istroya ko guid sa imo.