Hold me, thrill me, kiss me. Kill me.

Wow, look at her go. Three posts in five days. Unbe-fuckin'-lievable.

*****

Anyway. I have about five days to commit suicide, throw myself in front of a semi, be a victim of reckless homicide, volunteer to keep the peace in Afghanistan, etc. It won't matter any way after September 16th, because my Dad is coming home for a vacation, and he will then find out that I... That his really old, really amazing, really everything stereo receiver and possibly his Technics turntable has been fried.

And I did it. His really old-enough-to-know-better, amazingly stupid, and really in-trouble daughter.

It started out innocently enough. I wanted to listen to my CSN CD, which I haven't l heard in as long as I can remember. (And no, I am NOT that old. It's just that a month ago I went to a Spy gig at Bistro, and they played Woodstock, and Love the One You're With and the whole time I kept wishing they would play Almost Cut My Hair, which is my favorite song after Southern Cross.)

So there I was. I put in the CD in the DVD player, and turned on the stereo component and put it into "auxiliary" mode. Nothing. That Aiwa stereo's been around since forever and the buttons hardly work anymore, it's so old. I figured it must be the batteries in the remote control, so I changed them. I pressed the power button and still, nothing. The CD was playing but there were no speakers, no sound. So I fiddled around the back with the speaker cables. I figured the stereo must've conked out and nobody noticed. (It's basically just my Dad and me who like our music--me rock, him opera--loud in the house. Everybody else's fine with those lame-ass battery-operated radios and well, an iPod.) I took the cables connecting the DVD from the Aiwa stereo, and put it into the stereo receiver reserved for the turntable.

I turn it on, and again nothing. So I checked to see if it was plugged in. Mystery solved. I unplug the Aiwa from the voltage regulator, plug in the receiver in its place. Finally! I fiddle with the volume, but while the CD has been playing tracks 1 & 2 (Woodstock and Marrakesh Express) continuously, all I hear is this static... this buzzing sound. Something's wrong but I can't put my finger on it. The buzzing sound continues and seems to concentrate into a certain pitch, a certain decibel, slowly, slowly, until... KABLAM!

Well, the sound was actually more like a medium-voiced Boom! but, you know what I mean. At first I was in denial. No, that did NOT come from the receiver... which I could've gone on believing if it were not for the thick white smoke that suddenly rose up from inside the instrument. I could've ignored that, too, especially if (and I mean IF) I had been smoking something more... pleasant, I guess, than plain cigarettes, or if I'd put on a different CD, like say, The Who's Tommy, or The Kiss' Hotter Than Hell, AC/DC's Back in Black, Nirvana's Nevermind... You get the picture.

But it was the sharp stinging smell of ozone that cut it. I've smelled enough overheating electrical appliances my whole life (don't ask me why) to know when I'm in trouble. So I shut off the AVR, wave one hand uselessly to dispel the smoke while I suck hard on my cigarette with the other. Panic time. I check the voltage, and here is where the mystery's solved. So, just how much damage to my Dad's equipment, and my brain, was there? Let's just say that I didn't move in front of the receiver for a whole hour and a half, just in case the smoke disappeared but the wires inside were invisibly burning the house down.

(I was chanting, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, like I was having great sex, except that every now and then that chant would be interrupted by, Please don't kill me, Daddy... Well, maybe that applies, too.) Uh...Ehem.

Finally convinced that the house wasn't burning down (invisibly or otherwise), I checked for damages. I unplug the receiver, and unplug the cables connecting it to the DVD player. I check the fuse area, and as if the receiver wasn't punishment enough, that's when I notice it: The Technics turntable was plugged into the receiver. Oh.My.Fucking.God.

I didn't have the courage to see if it was still working. I just couldn't. Maybe tomorrow, I'll take out one of my Dad's records and try it out. Maybe. I'm just too scared right now. Besides if I'm not sure yet that it isn't working, there's still a chance that it is, that the turntable was spared, right? Right?

It started out with that great, great song, Almost Cut my Hair. Definitely cut my head.

See you on the other side.