Want versus Need, two versions

Want versus Need

I’ve had it! you say over and over until
you almost believe it. No more cigarettes,
enough drinking, even the fucking around—
Ah, this last one’s a bit tricky— still,
you gotta start sometime. Today you do it
on a Monday. Start the week right, you figure
it isn’t too late—like new year’s resolutions
in February, or trees blooming mid-spring.
Your head fills with good intentions and words
like respectable, dignified, proper which suddenly
empties to taunting chants of old, boring, and uncool.
No, it’s nothing; you just need to calm yourself down
so you reach for the scotch even before the action
fully registers in your brain. You wonder What is wrong
with me? while the cigarette tip smolders a glowing red,
brighter and sharper than your anger at yourself.
You decide you shouldn’t be alone now so you call
your current squeeze and ask Can you come over?
knowing there’d be a time you’d stop. You listen
to the safe if mindless chatter, resignation flowing
like whiskey through your entire body, replacing tension.
Yes, you can end this anytime, any time at all. You can
put a stop to it. Soon, soon—just not tonight.

*****

Gravel
Ani DiFranco

I heard the sound of your bike
as your wheels hit the gravel
and your engine in the driveway, cutting off
I pushed through the screen door
and I stood out on the porch
thinking fight, fight, fight, at all costs
But instead I let you in
just like I've always done
I sat you down and offered you a beer
and across the kitchen table
I fired several rounds
but you were still sitting there when the smoke cleared
You came crawling back to say
that you want to make good in the end
oh, let me count the ways that I abhore you
you were never a good lay
and you never were a good friend
but oh, what can I say, I adore you
All I need is my leather
one t-shirt and two socks
I'll keep my hands warm in your pockets
and you can use the engine blocks
we'll ride out to California
with my arms around your chest
and i'll pretend this is real
cuz this is what I like best
You've been juggling two women
like a stupid circus clown
telling us both we are the one
and maybe you can keep me
from ever being happy
but you're not going to stop me
from having fun
So let's go, before I change my mind
I'll leave the luggage of all your lies behind
cuz I am bigger than everything that came before
you were never very kind
and you let me way down every time
but oh, what can I say, I adore you