Miyerkules na sa Green Papaya!

WHO'S THAT GIRL? Green Papaya Wednesday-i'm-N-love monthly poetry readings
Wednesday (siyempre!), 26 November, 8PM.

We're featuring Marguerite de Leon and Yol Jamendang in conversation (conversion din pwede!). Anything and everything under the sun, nothing is sacred blah blah blah, including yayas, phone sex, Bayani Fernando, kahit pa Johnsons No Tears Baby Shampoo. And if all else fails, hubaran na!

Ang Green Papaya ay nasa 41 T. Gener corner Kamuning Road, sa QC. P30 = beer! Woohoo!

Music it is.

One can really fool herself into thinking that symbols become the fact. Perhaps it's only the start, but nothing is never better. Not silence but music, someone told me. And the tune that's playing now, is not here to stay. Not lovely yet, but it's there.


Poet congratulates herself on a job well done

And shivers as the last
Syllables vibrate on the roof
Of her mouth

Somebody has yet to wrap
His tongue around her words
Make a present of it

For someone else.



#at

Now THIS is how it's done.

SILENCE

So this is how it’s done: I watch her

“If those wounds dry up, the words die with them.”
— Stephen King


So this is how it’s done: I watch her
fingers clutch at the scissors, bloody
from the one long slice to open up the fish,
the many pluckings to get rid of the bones.

She is quick and it looks painless
but then again
the fish won’t feel it,

The blood has long drained and the stains
on her hands, on the blades
could have come from any number,
any source--

I imagine it would take her as long to finish
this one, as it would me
to fork up a slice of the same fish—
to chew hesitantly, my tongue still
feeling around for the bones
she might have left behind,
to catch them with my teeth
push them out between my lips
and catch them with my fingers,

Wipe them on the side of my plate
before they could catch at my throat--

I pay her the extra ten to do this
I can afford it
and I don’t have the time.

***

No really, I don't have the time.
My watch says it's 9:47
too early for sleep, but too late for the coffee
I want, especially. At the back of my mind,
I have to wake up at 4:30.

Playing 'round and 'round my head
Please call me baby
but I have left my phone

At the house I couldn't stand
it anymore, so I took a walk.
I wished to God it would rain
but it never does, not like in the movies

or in the songs. It does in this one, because
We do crazy things when we're wounded, he sings
and I would've liked to cry
but I could never do that
in public, especially.
Except when it doesn't mean anything
and I would like it to mean

something. Like the one time
on the road and everyone's phone rang
except mine
other people looking for other people
and I wished to God for a phone call
even the one I didn't want

because I wanted to cry
and I wanted it to mean something
to be able to say,
So this is how it feels like
I wanted a witness.

Not others' but mine
captured like in the movies,
or in the songs. Not life
like taking a walk, buying that coffee
then coming home
to wait--It is one in the morning now--
to sleep.

***

She sleeps with her mouth open,
and I watch her
like she has something to say
I wait for it

But she never does, she's not one to talk
in her sleep or awake,
even then she is quiet

I have tried to decipher
the silences like overcast skies
or her bright talk when she does
the sudden movement of clouds
to let the sun through

Her moods not like the weather:
thunderstorms make her happy
or at least I think so
watching her

Pressed against the windows
mouth again open--
the fog of her breath on the glass
appear, disappear in rhythm
like the catch
and release of a heart.

Would you have a better tomorrow?

Because free web-based email is, in my opinion, required to leak *some* spam email into your inbox (and vice versa, so you're forced to check your spam), I have a beef with how they deal with email adverts. (By the way, is spam made of pork? or does it fall under a whole different "meat" category?)

You might share some of this. Here is my current top 5:

5. Free Dell laptop. I already have a free Dell laptop. Whom I love. But, question: How come they never offer a free Mac?

4. Viagra. I don't need it, and I am not interested in any man (off the top of my head, anyway) who needs it yet. (Hmmm, wait. Let me think that over...)

3. Porn. Do I really need to see what Paris, Miley, and other stars have done over the weekend, and with a weiner, or a dog, or with an entire football team? No. I've had a discussion with friends over the whole [Put name of school here] sex scandal enterprise, complete with "visual aids" (for discussion purposes, of course), and they all cater to men.

2. 40s Christian dating. I have nothing against dating. Most of the time, I have nothing against Christians, either. But 40s? C'mon! That's just fucking insulting. The only reason it falls to number two is (1) I've only received it once, and (2) a day later and ever since, I only got spam for 30s Christian dating. I always, and I do mean always, appreciate people who do their research. Which leads me to the next:

1. Penis enlargement. Last I checked, hey! I don't have one! And last I heard, you don't just "magically grow" one. But what galls me is that they can't even be bothered with market research. I am woman, hear me roar. And no, I am not interested in any man who needs it either. (Hmm, wait. (Ha!) This last statement can be construed 1.5 times over. Just like the ad claim.)


But. There have been a few gems, and luckily, this one was sent to my inbox:

Dear sir/Madam:

Please allow us to disturb your precious time! We are the Chinese biggest foreign trade wholesaler. the company mainly sells, the digital cameras, mobile, the LCD TV,PSP,Xbox, the Laptops Notebooks, the Digital Video, Mp4, GPS,Electronics toy,and so on.If you want to products, we can sell you our products. If you have time,please visit our website, Please look our products.We will give you a satisfying answer. we hope we can set up a good and long cooperation relationship with you.
this is our website; <http://www.zgdsyw.com>
MSN: zgdsyw18@hotmail.com
Mail: zgdsyw@zgdsyw.com
Thank you for reading our the message, Would you have a better tomorrow!
Cheers!


It sure beats "Live long and prosper", doesn't it?

Thank you for reading my the post. Would you have a better tomorrow, I say to you.

Little blog of horrors

Something I saw in an old blog which I never finished (the post, the blog is way, way over). Sounds familiar? But I don't know why I never clicked on [Publish this post], because having seen it again, it amused me no end. (Na-amuse sa sariling sinulat? Winner. Kaya nga "shameless self-promotion" eh.) And made me think about my idea of making an(other) anonymous-kuno, unlinked blog where I could... never mind. Here it is:


"So. I have a problem.

This blog was set up for various reasons: shameless self-promotion, posterity, etc, etc--and so I don't always run to my friends when I feel like ranting--but basically I wanted this to be a place where I can be honest and just be myself.

But I realize, there is no bigger bullshit than to just "be yourself." Just! Look how easy, Just be yourself! (Remember this tag line? It was popularized by the clothing store geared towards the ever impressionable, peer-pressure-able teen crowd.) We all have alternate egos, and you're a liar if you say any different. In my case, there's Drey-with-her-family, Drey-at-work, Drey-all-by-herself, Drey-with-friends, Drey-with-people-she-has-just-met. Perhaps there might even be a Drey-with-a-cute-guy alterego. And though we pretty much get along, it kinda gets crowded if I introduce every Drey to whomever I meet every time. Or if I attempt to mix-and-mingle with the whole gamut of categories. So.

What's the problem again? Who are you talking to? Which Drey?"


Nyahahahahaha.

Now I want to meet all of them Dreys I was talking about. Like an out-of-body experience where I observe all these little selves (Is this an Oliver Sacks essay, "Selves"? Someone else?) in action while spirit-Drey is floating overhead, arms akimbo, wearing an amused little smile. Occasional mutters of "What a crock of shit!" "Winner ang posturing!" and "Booola!" floating around in thought bubbles. All done with indulgent patience, like I imagine on my Mom's face when I told her I'd give her my first pay check as a little tribute. (She was kind enough not to laugh and blurt out a sarcastic "Right!" to my face.)

Hahaha. Tangina. Looking over old blog posts is (weird and a little too self-serving, yes) like listening to your family recount stories of past bloopers you don't even remember.

As a matter of fact, my mom actually scoffed at the offer, adding, "Tapos ano? Hingi ka ng allowance?"

Winner. Yun lang. Winner.

Octo-pussy.

Why is it that when I'm rushing head-on towards a deadline, I find it so conducive to blog? I remember sneaking out of Japanese class to write, and now this. Someone had mentioned maybe it's a stand-up thing, you know, that that's the attraction of writing for me--the getting away from what I really have to do.

Not that this is a masterpiece. But. There are many reasons for this post:

1. The weather held long enough for the championship bonfire--But having rained before the whole thing left Bel field muddy. Some conversations:

Over the phone with A: Drey, you remember 2002? Your flip flops got sucked into the mud and you lost one of them?

I don't remember exactly, but apparently everybody does.

At the Bel field, meeting up with friends: Hey, you remember in 2002 when I lost my...
Unanimous response: We all know the story, Drey! We were laughing about it on the way here.

6-year improvement: My feet might've been caked in mud now, but I left with two pairs of slippers. Woo-hoo.

2. It's birthday month, and I'm turning 28.

Random birthday conversation #1
Him: Hey did you know a lot of people kill themselves when their age is divisible by 7?
Me: Knowledge is power, so it says. Not necessarily helpful, but powerful. Thanks. Really, thanks.

Random birthday conversation #2
Him: Ma'am, what's your birthdate?
Me: October --, 1980
Him: Ay, ako 1982.

New saying: Unnecessary knowledge is annoying.

3. I am redefining the six-degrees-of-separation theory by the number of returned results in Google. Example, you search for Nonoy Baclao, and this blog shows up at#3! Close kami, or what?

4. I just wanted to remind you my birthday's coming up soon. If you don't know when it is, then hindi tayo close.

5. This is not getting my work done. But it's a lot more fun.

6. May iban gid ya nga sugilanon, kung sa tuod-tuod lang. Pero indi diri. Hagara ko bala, inom ta. Kay i-istroya ko guid sa imo.